All discarded lovers should be given a second chance…just with someone new
~ Mae West
Exploring our DATING readiness.
As a divorce coach and creator of the Flying Solo Series, too often I watch my clients jump from the hot bed of separation & divorce, right into another disastrous relationship. When we lose our lovers through a divorce, it is often the case that we run right into dating as a way to build our self confidence and fill the void within our hearts. But are we ready? Really ready? Or are we setting ourselves up for another heartache?
Going through a divorce can be so lonely and isolating; let’s face it, it is hard to be in a bed alone when perhaps we have shared that space with someone else for years, even decades.
I had a very wise person say to me “the way to get over someone is to get under someone new!” The line made me laugh and think… all too often we get into bed with someone new and bring so much baggage from our past that it is uncomfortable and impossible to really connect and create a lasting relationship.
I think before dating, we have to examine a few things about ourselves first
1 – What is it we want from dating?
Do you want a lasting relationship or a one night stand? BE HONEST!
2 – Do you tell the story of your divorce and or still bash your ex?
If so… chances are you are not ready for a new relationship, you’re not over the last.
3 – Are you able to have the “TALK”?
If you can’t discuss sex you shouldn’t be having it. If you can’t talk about things such as sexually transmitted diseases, monogamy, your wants, don’t go down the path.
4 – What are you looking for in a new partner?
Not what you DON’T want, what is it that you DO want?
5 – What do you bring to the new relationship?
Would you want to “date” you? If not, work on that first.
After divorce, we are offered an opportunity to create a life based on our wants, needs, values and interests. Make sure that you are not looking for the next lover to GIVE you a life; you should have one already and your new relationship should merely enhance the one you have.